Our Q&A with Felecia (Part 2)
The goal of our Q&A is to help educate people and bring awareness towards the issue of youth aging-out of the foster care system. A while ago our readers submitted some questions to Felecia, a young woman who aged out of foster care. M, our 4 year old foster daughter also had some questions. I'm honored she took the time to answer all of our questions and yours. So thank you, Felecia!!
Q from M: What happened to your mom?
My mother still lives her life in her own way and completely disregards the effect that her actions have on others. Unfortunately, there is little hope at this point that that she will ever change. However, it all depends on the person, your mom could one day do as my Dad did, and realize how important and wonderful you are and change herself and be an amazing person in your life.
Typically I work with children…mainly children with autism or in psychological hospital settings. But in recent months I have been a waitress due to lack of jobs in my area.
I am single with no children of my own. However, I do plan to one day be married and have my own family made up of biological, foster, and adopted children.
My mother still lives her life in her own way and completely disregards the effect that her actions have on others. Unfortunately, there is little hope at this point that that she will ever change. However, it all depends on the person, your mom could one day do as my Dad did, and realize how important and wonderful you are and change herself and be an amazing person in your life.
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Q from M: What's your job? Typically I work with children…mainly children with autism or in psychological hospital settings. But in recent months I have been a waitress due to lack of jobs in my area.
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Q from M: Do you have family? I am single with no children of my own. However, I do plan to one day be married and have my own family made up of biological, foster, and adopted children.
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Q from an anonymous reader: Did you have access to ILP (Independent Living Program) funds? No. DSS was not good with informing me of any options or services that they provided. By the time that I was out of college, completely homeless, and searching for resources they said that I did not qualify for any assistance as I had already aged out.
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Q from CareForKidsOrg:What advice would she give to others currently facing homelessness? What resources did you discover and wished you'd known about.
- Don’t fight the situation, survive it and fight for yourself. It is so easy to look at all you do not have and become bitter towards life and all that is in it. You and your attitude is the one resource that will help the most.
- There are ILP funds available. I wish I had more knowledge and understanding of these resources prior to aging out.
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Q from Diane: These are the kids I feel so sorry for, no family to come home to for holidays, no one to cheer you on, no one to fall back on. How would you change the system so this doesn't happen?In my perspective the system needs a serious overhaul from the ground up, but I think that two main things could help:
- Extend the aging out age from 18 to 21, nationwide.
- Give foster parents training sessions focused on the needs of and issues faced by the 16-21 age group. I cannot count the times that I have come to Momma with a dilemma only for her to basically tell me “I’m sorry, but I don’t have the answer to that one. DSS didn’t even prepare me to parent a teen let alone help with the circumstances and situations that come with one”
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Q from Rebeca: What was the one thing that made the biggest difference in your life?
Volunteering. A few weeks into college I stopped into the community service office in an attempt to alleviate the boredom that occupied my free time. When I did, I met the director of the community service office, who is one of the most wonderful people in the world and later came to be known as my Campus Mom. I loved volunteering so much and by my sophomore year we had implemented an annual week long homeless shelter on campus. My academic adviser saw all of the learning potential for students in this experience and convinced the college to connect the volunteer experience to a class that was developed the following year. We wrote a paper that lead us to present the shelter, and the sociological aspects of doing it, to the American Sociological Association in New York which resulted in the paper getting published in a sociological journal…the shelter continued to thrive and I continued to volunteer.
The following year I got to go to Chicago to attend a community service conference and learned so much. Volunteering opened so many doors and opportunities in life that I couldn’t imagine not doing it…until I was no longer in college, homeless again, and moving out of the area…
Last December when I was preparing to go back to college to volunteer during the 4th annual shelter week, I was putting Jimmy Wayne’s Sara Smile album onto my ipod…while waiting for everything to load I flipped through the pamphlet that comes with CD’s and noticed he had a website and thought I’d have a look at it…when I did I read a press release that stated Jimmy Wayne, once a homeless foster teen himself, was going to WALK across the country to raise awareness of this issue, calling it Project Meet Me Halfway. Two weeks later while doing an overnight at shelter week I told Campus Mom all about MMH and how I wanted to go walk with him in support of the cause.
By the end of February 2010 I had saved enough money to go, however by that time Jimmy Wayne had made it from his starting point in Nashville, TN to just inside of the Oklahoma border…so I drove 20 hours, picking up D along the way, and then walked 20 miles in a day in support of Project Meet Me Halfway. Shortly after my return I learned that they wanted MMH to continue long after Jimmy Wayne reached his final destination in Phoenix, AZ and were looking for a volunteer network called, Street Team Members. They were looking for Regional Coordinators to manage these volunteers and the projects and events they came up with. I immediately applied and was asked if I would become the Mid-Atlantic Region Coordinator. I accepted and have been doing projects and events ever since!
I find volunteering with a cause I have a strong connection to very fulfilling and rewarding. It constantly keeps me aware of the “real world” that is often ignored in the bigger world. Most people chastise me for putting so much of myself into my volunteer efforts but I feel that I would be less of a person if I ignored the urge to do what I do.
Volunteering has given me so much (inspiration, motivation, education, employment opportunities, lasting friendships, and not to mention something to do that will keep me out of trouble) that I will always come up with ways for others to learn about and join in on the volunteer spirit to get and give the same things from it.
To learn more about Project Meet Me Half Way > Check out their website!
Do Something- Volunteer in your area
Do Something- Volunteer in your area
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Question from Carol: How did you deal with "losing" your bio family again, after living with them for years?It initially was very difficult and an indescribable hurt. I couldn’t function without my siblings. A history teacher who N had confided in the semester before and ended up with me as a student as well, approached me after class one day and told me to “buck-up” and that I was too young for empty nest syndrome. He told me that I needed to start living for myself a little and in time everything else would fall into place… I liked his bluntness and tried to take his advice, so I learned to carry the hurt and still move forward…
Though I still refused to accept it as a lose and did everything that I possibly could do to maintain and continue a relationship with my family, especially my siblings. I ventured out and lived a bit for myself and sure enough, five years later that history teacher was right and we all fell back into place and got to be together again.
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Question from anonymous reader: What do you attribute your success to?My foster parents’ willingness to give me a chance despite the challenges that come with taking in a teen. After living with them for a while Momma told me the story of how I got to them. Apparently a few months prior to being contacted about me they had told DSS that they were done being foster parents due to plans of adopting two sisters that fell through. When they were contacted about me they hung up on DSS. The next day the social worker called back and tried again to persuade them to take me and though reluctant to do so they almost said yes until they learned that I was 16. Momma says that she finally said yes without the knowledge or consent of Pops, only when she heard that I had a twin and that if they didn’t take me I would be placed in a group home three hours away from her. So for Pops…I was a surprise. They had never taken in teenagers previously and being that they are only 12 and 14 years older than me they weren’t quite ready to parent a teen…it’s a complete different ballpark…
But against all odds they took me in and stayed committed to the betterment of me and had they not, I would not be where I am today.
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