Now Laugh! 2

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-Post by Foster Mom

I tend to blog about the hard stuff...so thought I'd lighten the mood with some of M's great one liners and random moments.


During An Adventure Walk
aka walking the dog
Foster Mom: You're a good navigator
M: I'm not an alligator!

After Kid's Church
Foster Mom: Did you make any friends at kids church?
M: No! They were boring and picked their noses.

Cough Cough
Foster Mom: Oh no! Are you feeling sick?
M: No but the bunny in my throat is.
Foster Mom: What??
M: My mom told me there's a bunny in my throat.

After Getting Her Haircut
M: "I looked in the mirror and am really embarrassed!"


Nap Time Lurker
M: The dog just pooped in my bed and it's disgusting.

Night Time Pee
I went to tuck M in, who was already fast asleep on the floor.
She didn't go potty so I asked her to get up and go.
She went over and sat in her desk chair.
Yikes!


At The Movies
One of the trailers was Justin Bieber's Never Say Never.
M yelled for the whole theater to hear: Wow, Justin did so good!"
Apparently they are best friends.

Boy Crazy 4 Year Old

M: So when I'm really old, like 15, I'll get married. 
Foster Mom: Hmmm..maybe you could go to college first, then get married.
M: Ok, so I'll be way older than you, like fifteen thirty. I'll name my husband Justin....Justin...Bieber.


Want some more randomness? Check out - Now Laugh! Part 1.

Lice Saved Our Relationship

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-Post by Foster Mom

I would like to start by saying...I don't appreciate bugs and I don't do vomit.
I haven't puked since first grade.  I think it's a world record.

I tried to google it but all that came up was "longest time without peeing world record".  Impressive.

World record or not, I don't know what it feels like to get sick and it creeps me out. I'm afraid of it.  True confessions of an teenage almost 30 year old drama queen.

Also, as I've gotten older, my love for bugs has dissipated.  They have a home, and it shouldn't be anywhere near me.


Now that I'm married, if there's a gross bug or spidey in the house (and I'm not referring to Heidi and Spencer from the Hills) I yell for Foster Dad to smash it.  This is what marriage is about.


Plus Foster Dad get's the job done and I don't have to risk the harm that could come from a miss kill.

MISS KILL
When you think you killed a bug and you let your guard down. Then you find out you had bad aim and it crawls all over your body, into your mouth and then you vom out of sheer disgust.  WAY TO RISKY, RIGHT!?

I digress...
Let's backtrack to a few weeks ago on a Friday, shall we?

***

"HELPPPPPPP!" M sobbed at 3am.
Foster Dad's reaction time was that of a ninja.
He ran into her room to discover....
Chunky
smelly
nasty
pizza vomit
everywhere.

He yelled. "She's okay but there's puke on her hands, all over her blankets, her pillow, her hair, stuffed animals, the floor..."

I hid under the covers and yelled "Ewwww! Do you need my help?" Please say no...please say no...please say no.

"No."

"I'll keep him." I thought as I hid under my protective shield being the worst mother in the world.

***

Let's fast forward to last week.  M and I were on a play date with a kid from preschool and his mom, the only English speaking mother I could find in the school yard.
We were casually chit chatting and I saw something move...
on
M's
head.

I tried to play it cool...but couldn't contain myself and shouted
"English Speaking Mother (name has been changed), I saw a bug on M's head!!!!"

"It can't be..." Her voice trailed off as she started combing through M's hair.
It was.

I had a slow motion flash back of the handout I received from preschool two weeks earlier reporting creepy, crawly, crusty LICE!

This was my moment to shine. I could redeem myself after the pizza vom-fest a few weeks earlier.  We headed straight for the pharmacy and got some treatment.

Bio Mom and M were supposed to have a sleepover the next day so I called to give her an update. I found out Bio Mom also had lice and the sleepover got canceled.

I spent the afternoon with plastic gloves on, a shield over my face and a scarf on my head, acting like a monkey pulling lice out of M's hair.  She was very patient through this whole process, and girly screamed with me every time we encountered a beast.

A week of this and I've downgraded to bare hands and no shields. I have had a few miss kills but luckily they haven't crawled into my mouth.

Being a foster parent has challenged me in ways I would have never imagined. 
M came to us being Miss. Independent and had basically raised her mother.  They talk on the phone and M comforts Bio Mom.  She's 4.

So when M got lice and let me pick crusty bugs out of her hair, it brought us closer.  She had a need and let me fill it.  This happened the week after she told everyone she didn't like me (post coming soon).

Lice saved our relationship.

We are officially lice free. I'm also happy to report we no longer do Pizza Fridays.

What are your creepy moments that are relatioship savers? 

Or when have you broken out of your comfort zone to help your kid? 

6 Tips For The First 24 Hours of Placement

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-Post By Foster Mom 

I've been reflecting lately on the first time we met M.  Her big brown eyes immediately captured my heart and her ability to perform Taylor Swift songs at any given moment can always keep me signing.

She's a remarkable child and I'm honored to know her and be apart of her story.  I wanted to share with you the beginning of our journey, and the mistakes and lessons I learned the first few days of meeting M.

6 (obvious) Tips For The First 24 hours of Placement

8 days after we "officially" got approved to be foster parents, I received a call around 2pm.  Our agency asked if we would want a 4 year old female. I got some more details and called Foster Dad.  After frantically hitting up Target for last minute necessities (kid's toothpaste, barbies, puzzles, gummies, blankets, cute stuffed animals, clocks..oh and a car seat!) Foster Dad and I drove a few counties over to pick up M.  Crazy how fast your life can change within 4 hours.


I. was. terrified.  
I would soon be a parent.
FOR THE FIRST TIME.
To a child who has 4 years of a story I know nothing about.   

We called the Director of our agency and desperately asked last minute questions...
How do we introduce ourselves to her?
Does she understand she's living with us?
What if she beats us up?

Tip 1. It's okay to ask crazy questions
 No question is dumb and will help ease your fears. Plus, I'm sure they've heard it all before.

The director of our agency didn't laugh at our questions but answered every single one and gave me her personal cell number in case I did get beat up...by a 4 year old.  She hung up after she gave me some final words of wisdom, which ended up being...

Tip 2. "4 year old girls talk non stop! Have fun!"
"But I'm an introvert..." I thought as I hung up the phone.  I filled Foster Dad in on the convo and we continued chatting.  He asked if I planned on sitting next to M on the way home.

"She's not a little baby...I'll play it cool in the front see. I don't want to overwhelm her. I bought preschool CD's and barbies, it'll be great."

Foster Dad had the only appropriate response, "You are heartless."

Tip 3. Don't be heartless (whoops)
You don't need to creep the child out with an abundance of hugs and kisses the first time meeting, but sitting next to them and playing on a long car ride home, obviously will help with the bonding process. I was fearful if I went overboard it would be overwhelming for her...but after following her lead and seeing she felt comfortable, we were giggling in no time.

Tip 4. Don't try to change the only thing they've had their whole life...their name (whoops)
Sitting in the back of the car we played barbies, chatted, giggled and I even gave her a nickname during the 2 hour ride...Which immediately got relinquished by Foster Dad pointing out that it's the only name she's ever known, why would I give her a new one now?! Sigh, I'm thankful I married such a smart man.  After 6 months of M living with us, she has a few nicknames...but it took time and happened more organically.

Tip 5. Don't watch creepy Lifetime Movies about foster kids
The first night was terrifying. But I blame my lifetime movie obsession for this one.  

Our agency person told us that M would most likely cry on and off throughout the first few nights, so we should be prepared. Our bedroom doors are adjacent.  We decided it would be best to sleep with both bedroom doors open (not a good idea). Every time she moved, I jumped up. I was waiting for her to cry, fall out of bed, stop breathing or be standing over my bed with a knife (thank you lifetime movies).  Of course that never happened and either did the tears, but the stress kept me up all night.

Tip 6. Don't pretend to be something you're not
Like a morning person.
By the time 5am rolled along, I was not happy to be awakened by M free styling a rap song. I got up and tried to pretend I was a morning person. After grabbing a mocha we went to the park, library, beach and walked the dog all before 8:30 (the normal time I start hitting snooze).

We pulled this schedule for a few days until I was burnt out and wanting to resign my "mother of the week" award.  Our case manager came over for our weekly visit.  She suggested showing M what 8:00 looks like on the clock.  When her clock looks like that, she can come out of her room.
"Are we allowed to do that?" I asked
"Why not?!" Case manager responded.

I was in love...with my case manager and this idea! I'm not sure HOW long M plays in her room every morning, but one thing remains the same...she still wakes me up signing.

***

Obviously, A LOT has changed since we first met her as she carried a small suitcase filled with a few outfits, a pink stuffed dog and a barbie with unintentional dreads. I have more sleep confidence as a parent and in M.  She has been living with us for almost 6 months now and we truly feel she's supposed to be here during this season of her life.  Over the next few posts I'm going to highlight how she's grown and flourished by living in a healthy and stable environment.

But first, what are some tips & tricks you learned during the start of your first placements?

Shocking Moments at Preschool

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Scene
Foster Mom is volunteering at M's preschool.  Join in on the awkward/uncomfortable/tell-all conversation she had with one of the Teacher Aids who helps in the class:

TA: So how long have you and your husband been married?

Foster Mom: A few years

TA: Wow! Do you have any of your own kids?

Foster Mom:  Not yet, we wanted to be foster parents first.  There's so many kids that need a good home...

TA: Ohhh, is there good money in it?

Foster Mom:  Not really, it hardly covers the basics.

TA:  Yeah, my husband and I thought about doing it.

--- insert pointless chatter for a few minutes that somehow transitioned to this ---

TA:  Ya know, it's hard not beating your kids. I used to beat my husband and first child. I had to work really hard to get out of it.  I'm surprised my husband even stayed around.

Foster Mom: (shocked) Wow. You are so great with the kids, I would have never thought you struggled with that. It's great you turned your life around.

And scene

Yes, this is the same woman who said "We have a few moms like that..." the day I cried at preschool.

Awkward Moments

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-Post by Foster Mom
M gravitates towards adults.  Yesterday I found out she spent her recess gabbing with the Director of our preschool instead of playing tag with the other kids.  It's her comfort zone, and in knowing her past situations it makes sense. She was always surrounded by adults, had a lot of "care givers" and hardly any playmates.  M acts old for her age, very responsible and feels like she needs to take care of her mom.  One of our goals as her foster family is to give her a childhood, let her learn how to be a kid, and just have fun!

So to do that, with the added bonus of battling her social awkwardness, I decided to find a play group via the internet... Perfect for M and I, a kid who prefers adults and a mom who is an introvert and shy-guy to new people (cue sarcasm).

Today was a big day for both of us as we headed to our first meet up at the playground.  5 moms and 8 kids were there by the time we arrived. The parents already knew one another, having a history of play dates and magical moments. M starting talking to the different moms one by one. She would tell them about her toys, preschool, Tinkerbell...all while ignoring the kids playing around her. I finally coerced her onto the one empty swing in a row of 5.  It was going great.  I was casually talking with the other moms as they pushed their kids, as M yelled out

My dad sleeps in my bed with me!!!

OH MY GOSH!! Our first magical moment. My brain was running wild...
The mom's were startled and looked shocked. I think they were figuring out how the heck to get out of there, secretly taking a group vote with their eyes as to who would kick us out, or wondering who this mom and daughter duo are?!

How would you respond? I LOVE all the responses below. Thanks for sharing...it reminded me about the seriousness of what she yelled, to talk with M about why she shouted it and proper etiquette at future play dates.

I know I responded horribly, because I too was shocked.

After M yelled "My dad sleeps in my bed with me!!!!!" to the whole playground...
I responded... "Ohhh her dad...ummm...she's a foster kid, so sometimes she'll say weird things."

Which is the truth, but I didn't even talk to M about why she had the urge to share her private issues with the playgroup.
I basically threw M under the bus...

I didn't know what prompted her to yell it, she told me later it was because she wanted to be their friends.  Ohhh the mind of a 4 year old. I do know that M has shared a bed with her whole family because they only had a small place to live. I know she would snuggle close to her fam. at night if she was scared and felt protected. For her that was normal...and I know she misses it. She always asks us to have sleepovers, which of course we don't or can't do.

If there is a next time of random, inappropriate yelling, I'll think back to your comments and (hopefully) respond better!! Thanks for your thoughts :)

"You're not his daughter!"

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-Post by Foster Dad

Just hours before, I was asking Foster Mom if she thought perhaps some people might think that M is our bio daughter. Despite our ethnicity difference, our skin color is somewhat similar.  Kids can tell the difference though, and they're not afraid to point it out.

At the playground a 5 year old girl was petting our puppy, who was pulling at his leash to lick her face.  M came over from the swings and started telling her about how he jumps up a lot.  The girl exclaimed, "How do you know?! You're not his daughter!"  I quickly defended M, "Yes she is.  She lives with us.  This is her dog."

This was M's first time being called out as not belonging, but it won't be the last.  We've all but avoided awkward comments and head shifting stares as we've paraded M around our local parks, shopping centers, and theme parks, but how many thoughts or whispers have floated our way without us knowing?  Have the people of America matured to the point where adoption, foster care, and mixed marriages fall within their world view and don't set off little auto-alarms in their heads?

The other day Foster Mom and I saw a white couple with an african-american girl on the shuttle from the parking lot to the theme park.  The couple's shirts and the girl's dress were all made of the same fabric (style vomfest 2010).  I couldn't help but want to know their story.  Were they foster parents?  Did they adopt?  Was it their granddaughter?  Did they see us with M?  Are they asking the same questions?  It really made me want to know other foster parents and share in the experience with them.  Of course we have the support of our family and friends, but it would be nice to have some group therapy (laughter, stories, tears, answer-the-"why are we doing this?"-question game) once in a while, you know?

Are there any foster parents out there?