Wednesday, December 8, 2010

6 Tips For The First 24 Hours of Placement

-Post By Foster Mom 
I've been reflecting lately on the first time we met M.  Her big brown eyes immediately captured my heart and her ability to perform Taylor Swift songs at any given moment can always keep me signing.

She's a remarkable child and I'm honored to know her and be apart of her story.  I wanted to share with you the beginning of our journey, and the mistakes and lessons I learned the first few days of meeting M.

6 (obvious) Tips For The First 24 hours of Placement
8 days after we "officially" got approved to be foster parents, I received a call around 2pm.  Our agency asked if we would want a 4 year old female. I got some more details and called Foster Dad.  After frantically hitting up Target for last minute necessities (kid's toothpaste, barbies, puzzles, gummies, blankets, cute stuffed animals, clocks..oh and a car seat!) Foster Dad and I drove a few counties over to pick up M.  Crazy how fast your life can change within 4 hours.


I. was. terrified.  
I would soon be a parent.
FOR THE FIRST TIME.
To a child who has 4 years of a story I know nothing about.   

We called the Director of our agency and desperately asked last minute questions...
How do we introduce ourselves to her?
Does she understand she's living with us?
What if she beats us up?

Tip 1. It's okay to ask crazy questions
 No question is dumb and will help ease your fears. Plus, I'm sure they've heard it all before.

The director of our agency didn't laugh at our questions but answered every single one and gave me her personal cell number in case I did get beat up...by a 4 year old.  She hung up after she gave me some final words of wisdom, which ended up being...

Tip 2. "4 year old girls talk non stop! Have fun!"
"But I'm an introvert..." I thought as I hung up the phone.  I filled Foster Dad in on the convo and we continued chatting.  He asked if I planned on sitting next to M on the way home.

"She's not a little baby...I'll play it cool in the front see. I don't want to overwhelm her. I bought preschool CD's and barbies, it'll be great."

Foster Dad had the only appropriate response, "You are heartless."

Tip 3. Don't be heartless (whoops)
You don't need to creep the child out with an abundance of hugs and kisses the first time meeting, but sitting next to them and playing on a long car ride home, obviously will help with the bonding process. I was fearful if I went overboard it would be overwhelming for her...but after following her lead and seeing she felt comfortable, we were giggling in no time.

Tip 4. Don't try to change the only thing they've had their whole life...their name (whoops)
Sitting in the back of the car we played barbies, chatted, giggled and I even gave her a nickname during the 2 hour ride...Which immediately got relinquished by Foster Dad pointing out that it's the only name she's ever known, why would I give her a new one now?! Sigh, I'm thankful I married such a smart man.  After 6 months of M living with us, she has a few nicknames...but it took time and happened more organically.

Tip 5. Don't watch creepy Lifetime Movies about foster kids
The first night was terrifying. But I blame my lifetime movie obsession for this one.  

Our agency person told us that M would most likely cry on and off throughout the first few nights, so we should be prepared. Our bedroom doors are adjacent.  We decided it would be best to sleep with both bedroom doors open (not a good idea). Every time she moved, I jumped up. I was waiting for her to cry, fall out of bed, stop breathing or be standing over my bed with a knife (thank you lifetime movies).  Of course that never happened and either did the tears, but the stress kept me up all night.

Tip 6. Don't pretend to be something you're not
Like a morning person.
By the time 5am rolled along, I was not happy to be awakened by M free styling a rap song. I got up and tried to pretend I was a morning person. After grabbing a mocha we went to the park, library, beach and walked the dog all before 8:30 (the normal time I start hitting snooze).

We pulled this schedule for a few days until I was burnt out and wanting to resign my "mother of the week" award.  Our case manager came over for our weekly visit.  She suggested showing M what 8:00 looks like on the clock.  When her clock looks like that, she can come out of her room.
"Are we allowed to do that?" I asked
"Why not?!" Case manager responded.

I was in love...with my case manager and this idea! I'm not sure HOW long M plays in her room every morning, but one thing remains the same...she still wakes me up signing.
***
Obviously, A LOT has changed since we first met her as she carried a small suitcase filled with a few outfits, a pink stuffed dog and a barbie with unintentional dreads. I have more sleep confidence as a parent and in M.  She has been living with us for almost 6 months now and we truly feel she's supposed to be here during this season of her life.  Over the next few posts I'm going to highlight how she's grown and flourished by living in a healthy and stable environment.

But first, what are some tips & tricks you learned during the start of your first placements?
 
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