I love

Tweet

-Post by Foster Mom
...this song.
            I love that shirt.
                   I love ice cream.
                           I love your new hairstyle.
                                  I love __insert something trivial and pointless here___

Perhaps you've let "I love you" slip after a few dates.
Or you've proclaimed your love for french fries in one sentence and the love for your spouse in another (whooops).

How often do we misuse the phrase "I love..."?

The first night M was with us she said "I love you."  We didn't want her to feel rejected and our first time foster parent response was "I love you, too!"  It didn't feel natural. Why was proclaiming my love for Gilmore Girls way easier than saying it to a 4 year old stranger who moved into my house?

Since getting insight from our case manager our response has changed to "I care about you too!" At the time, I agreed with their response. We don't want to give M false hope by responding or saying "I love you" back, especially if we are another adult abandoning her don't think we are supposed to adopt her, if the reunification process doesn't work out. We are happy for M because right now reunification looks favorable and we don't have to figure out any next steps yet.

M would tell our friends and family members after a minute of knowing them "ahhh...I love you!" We would leave our babysitters with a page of emergency numbers and proper responses in case she professed her love to them.

We talked to M about who you love and the differences between love and like. Overtime her "I love you" turned into "I like you".
Which eventually turned into "I like you, means I love you!"

But lately I noticed she doesn't say anything and hasn't for awhile.
M's I love yous are reserved for her mom only.  For us, it's a hug or a snuggle. Maybe the "I like you" was too confusing.

If we as adults misuse the phrase "I love you"... why shouldn't we allow kid's with attachment issues?

It's hard to imagine M as a stranger...I've learned so much about her these past few months and she's won me over with her singing and passion for all things pink. I've censored myself with M a few times when I naturally had the urge to say those 3 words every child wants to hear.
I love you.
Our words are powerful...and so are our lack of words.

Are we stifling her heart or guarding it, by not saying "I love you"?