Guest Post: Through the eyes of family

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Guest Post by Foster Mom's Mom

I recently visited foster mom and dad, and of course got to meet M.

Now, mind you, I am not a Grandmother yet, so I have never experienced the joy of spoiling your children's children....while laughing at the trials and tribulations of your child as they are raising their own child.   Now that our children are grown, we can delight in watching them blunder through parenthood.  I think.....but this foster business.  That's a whole different ball game.

I arrived at foster mom and dad's home and was greeted by a lively, engaging four year old.  I quickly understood some of the things foster mom has been telling me about M.  She LOVES to talk, sing, and needs a lot of attention.  She has developed some wonderful strategies to soothe herself, and singing is one of them.  She is very responsible, neat, well organized and smart.  Many traits I wish I had (the well organized and neat part), and she could teach foster mom a little bit in this area as well.  Sorry foster mom....I'm ratting you out.

She knows many letters, can write part of her name on her own, can engage herself in many different activities and is so ripe for learning.  She is quick to laugh at herself and others, and loves to dance and put on "fancy" outfits.  She loves animals and has great empathy for all living things.  She could be anything she wants to be in life.....but then there is another part of her life that I will never see.

The part that causes her to reassure her mom on their phone call that everything is OK and tells mom not to worry about her.  "Don't worry Mom.  It's OK.  Don't be sad."  M has a mommy hat - something is very backwards here.  The part where she is visibly shaken when asked if she'd like to speak with a strong male influence in her life. Something about this person is very disturbing to her and she refuses to speak to him.  She is learning empowerment.

When will she get tired of being the adult to the important adults in her life? 

When will she be able to just be a kid? 

Foster mom and dad are working hard on that part.  In some ways, she carries the weight of the world on her little four year old shoulders.  When foster mom tells me she had a break down and sobbed on the way to preschool, I see that as a good thing.  She is learning that she can let go of some of the sadness and pain that she can't put into words.  It is my hope that little by little  M will learn to be a kid, and put down some of the burdens she carries. And no matter what she may face, I hope that she has the confidence to go after all that she wants in life and that her dreams of being a doctor or a vet, or whatever else she may want, are not dashed.  I hope she always has someone in her life that will empower her and give her hope,  as foster mom and dad are doing.

Now, as far as laughing at my child as she is parenting, I didn't laugh at foster mom and dad, but I did laugh with them and reminded them that as serious as what they are doing is, they need to have fun and laugh laugh laugh.  And I laughed as I headed out to the door to catch my plane back home as M was singing and spinning.  I have the easy part.  Foster mom and dad....thanks for doing the hard part. Now laugh!