I wish I had something amazingly beautiful to post... sorry, but I don't.
I've been trying. But I'm just. burnt. out.
(Side note: If you want something beautiful to read, check out Peter's words on why he's a foster parent... )
One of my major pet peeves is when people facebook cry.
Facebook crying: When someone posts a dramatic status update about how hard their life is. Can often occur by quoting a depressing, yet vague song lyric to throw themselves a pity party via the internet.
My goal for this blog is to be honest and open about our journey. For me, writing is therapeutic and I prefer to reflect on fluffy feel good moments but lately those moments are outweighed by my tears.
So dear friend, if you want to join my therapy session... continue reading.
Disclaimer: There may be some blog crying involved in this post.
***
4 Secrets about My Role as a Foster Mom
1. I'm just trying to survive.Foster Dad and I are taking classes so we can get our yearly credits to keep our certification. Our classes are filled with foster parents desperately trying to figure out the right way to help a hurting child:
What do we do when my 7 year old foster kid refuses to use the toilet and take showers? He will only go potty in a diaper and isn't potty trained.
We are having a hard time bonding with our 14 year old child...he's been with us for a year. A therapist suggested we start bottle feeding him so we can feel connected because he missed out on building healthy attachments as an infant.
Nothing we do to discipline the child living with us, causes a change in her actions. We've tried taking her favorite toy away, time ins, early bed times, etc...Nothing we do will get a response from her because it's not as harsh as the physical abuse from her past.
My heart breaks every. single. day for these children who've been hurt, abandoned or neglected. There's often crisis situations with foster kids and the foster parents are left wondering "HOW do I show this child love? How do I get through to them?" Google doesn't always have the right answers and it's not always easy figuring out what will work. Survival mode.
2. I appreciate your nice words but I'm not a saint... not even close.
I often feel guilty because people call us saints.
If you only knew...
I'm not much of a touch person. You try to give me a side hug and I'll clumsily go for the hand shake. My hugs for M are intentional but not organic.
I can't imagine Mother Teresa reminding herself to hug a child.
3. I'm emotionally exhausted.
One of my best friends in college often said that my best and worst quality is that I care too much about people and their pain becomes my own.
When M reveals apart of her story to me, I've learned how to respond properly but have shut myself off to fully understanding her trauma. I feel like I'm turning heartless or numb towards the reality of M's former life situation. I can't even begin to imagine how much M's trauma has hurt her....
4. I'm soooo thankful for supportive family and friends
I haven't talked to my best friend in weeks because she's super mom and I feel like a loser because I'm holding on for dear life. Survival mode, remember?
Thank you for calling anyways and being so encouraging...
I'm so grateful for everyone in my support system. Thank you for just listening to me ramble on and on, praying for me, and not judging me when I cry like a baby.
***
People often ask "Knowing what you know now about being a foster parent and the system, do you regret signing up for this?"
Unfortunately M doesn't have a choice about being placed in the foster care system. But I do and I don't regret it one bit. For right now, Foster Dad and I feel like we are supposed to be foster parents, and sometimes the right things in life aren't always easy.
I will now leave you with a vague song lyric to complete my blog crying...
Listen up everybody if you wanna take a chance.
Just get on the floor and do the New Kids' dance.
Posts
