Clearly I'm no expert on parenting. I'm four months in and struggling to stand...but, I have found comfort in our parenting classes. Foster Dad and I have been taking a Love and Logic Parenting class to get certification credits. I wanted to highlight some key points we gained from the class.
We learned a lot but think M may have learned more from our new parenting techniques.
1. Give Them Choices You Can Live With
Example) Your child's room is a mess. Instead of being Ms. Bossy pants you can say "Would you rather clean your room now or before dinner?" The child feels in control of the situation, and you'll be happy with either outcome.
Scene: M is in her room playing with her mom and daughter barbies. I am secretly listening in on the action.
Barbie, do you want carrots or apples with your dinner?
Celery
No, no...celery wasn't one of the choices. Apples or carrots?
Carrots!
What a fabulous choice!
***
2. Deliver a strong does of empathy, before delivering the consequence of "bad news"
Children need to learn that their mistakes hurt them. This does not happen when the adult gets angry. The child's attention should be on his or her own life and decision, instead of an adult's anger. You can respond with the same empathetic statement every time they do something wrong.
Example) I say "That's sooooo sad." or "Ohhh I'm so sorry__x__ happened."
Scene: M was playing with our dog
Apparently the dog was misbehaving because M was gently saying "Ohhhh that's sooooo sad. I'm soooo sorry. Do you think eating my toy is a good choice?"
***
3. "You're Draining My Energy"
Example) A child has a long tantrum. You can say "I'm sooo sorry that you feel that you are having a hard day. You know, it's really draining my energy because I have to watch you complain and whine for an hour, why don't you go act that way in your room."
Then later when the child wants to do something fun with you, you can respond "I would have loved to go play with you, but I still need to get my energy back." So the logical consequence to them having a tantrum is they miss out on some fun play time.
Scene: M and I were playing in her room
M: You know, you are really draining my energy.
Foster Mom: Oh, I'm so sorry you feel that way. What did I do to drain your energy?
M: You asked me to brush my teeth last night. ***
Kids say the darndest things! It's nice to see our new techniques are making some form of an impact...even though she's using them on everyone else! M is a really smart kid and some of the things she comes up with are pretty amusing.
I highly recommend checking out the resources and attempting some of their suggestions. Every time we've used the Parenting with Love and Logic techniques properly, M has more responsibility and we have less stress which results in more family fun.
Resources:
http://www.loveandlogic.com/
The Parenting with Love and Logic book
Posts
