Wednesday, August 18, 2010

To adopt, or not?

-Post by Foster Dad
As the weeks go on, it's becoming more apparent that M is on the road towards adoption.  It's sad, but true.  What a bummer!  Imagine that you're a kid and everyone around you knows that you won't be going "home", but you have no idea.  You think you're just hanging out, getting presents, going to the zoo, eating your vegetables, and saying "I love you" to strangers... but soon some new strangers will be returning the phrase.

Foster Mom and I twist and turn in our dual reclining lazyboys, nervously sipping on McDonald's Frappes (our secret after-kid-bedtime treat).  Do we want this kid to live with us forever?  If we let her go to another family, will we always wonder if we turned our back on a blessing from God?  Will we get any say in who she goes to live with?  What if her adoptive parents aren't as cool as we are?! JK.

If we keep her, will things get better or worse?  How will she react to another child coming into the home if we decide to have a baby or get another foster kid?  If we keep her, will we miss out on an even better kid that God has in the works for our house?

So selfish, I know!!  I feel horrible, but I actually feel something as a man, so give me a break.  M is so cute, so happy despite her circumstances, so talkative, so sing-y... how could we not keep her?  Just like that.

When we started this whole thing we really thought that her mom would get a reality check, get it together, and be awesome so she could bring her family back together.  That may still happen, but the odds don't help.
Posted by Foster Parent at 10:26 PM
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Foster Grandma's avatar

Foster Grandma · 764 weeks ago

Wow, what a post!! Made Foster Grandma cry. I am praying every day that God will give you peace about what the right thing is for your family. I'm biased, I can't see any parents that would be better than you two for "M." I'm praying for the parents that God is preparing for "M," and who knows, they may be you two!! I can say this: Every day she spends with you is a day she is being blessed and a positive that will be in her heart forever.
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Carol's avatar

Carol · 763 weeks ago

Sometimes in life, there is no right or wrong answer to some of the most difficult decisions. Sometimes when you sit in thoughtful contemplation, you will know the answers. You have provided a wonderful loving home for a little girl who needed some stars to shine for her - and it sounds like the stars have been a bit brighter lately. You and foster mom are very thoughtful and loving, and whatever decision you make, I know you will make it from a place of love. Peace.
Carol
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Bill · 762 weeks ago

A sad fact is that statistically many of the birth moms and dads don't get it together and many children age out in the foster care system.
The best advice I can offer is go with your heart. We said "no we're not adopting again" until we did. If God indeed has another kid in the works for you then that is his plan. I would suggest that God has already intervened by way of your decision to become foster parents and seeing M placed in your loving home. If and when the time comes to make the decision, you'll know what to do.
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julie's avatar

julie · 762 weeks ago

appreciate the honesty of your post. i've always wanted to adopt every foster child we've had, my husband not always, or not always in the same timing as mine. pray. talk together with your wife. make a decision and don't look back. you can't make a wrong decision in the life of a child. in our state we were told that if we chose not to adopt and the case goes to the 'red file' (families looking to adopt through the state), that we would be able to help in the process of choosing a family. however, we are choosing to adopt again. just not sure if God's plan will align with our plan. anyway, one last thing...interesting to see you or your wife's mom comment here. Fostering impacts the entire family. our parents, siblings, nieces and nephews are all invested in this journey with us. we couldn't do it without their support. and they definitely grieve when we've had to say goodbye to a child. make sure you thank you family for their involvement, support.

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