Saturday, January 15, 2011

Family Drama with Bio Mom

-Post by Foster Mom

M's Bio Mom recently set up strict boundaries with her immediate family because they were more harm than good.

She has no one.

The one person who brought her comfort in days past, got taken from her.
And is now living in my home.
Hugging me daily.
Whispering her preschool secrets in my ear.
When she falls at the playground, I'm the one she cries for.
And I comfort her.

I can't imagine the heartache Bio Mom has endured.
She's been in foster care,
on the streets,
survived gang fights,
domestic violence,
fought for her life
and now this.
It was enough to challenge her to get her act together, and make some positive changes.

Good changes.  Changes that need to happen for her to get her daughter back.

A few months ago I was talking on the phone with M's mom.  Our conversation was transparent, loving and respectful.  We talked about our concerns and shared updates.

During our phone call Bio Mom showed me a glimpse into their past.
I could hear the pain and fear in her voice.

I felt honored that she is starting to trust me and that I could try to be an encouragement to her.

She told me she was happy M was spending Christmas with us...

"After all, we're family" Bio Mom said.

We aren't related by blood, so her words caught me off guard.  But the more I thought about it, the more I realized it was true.

Sometimes I get frustrated with Bio Mom and her crusty choices she's made in the past. Trust me, there's plenty of family drama.

But then there are times I'm left in awe.  Like the time she put together a HUGE Halloween party (without having any money) for everyone in her program and the kids, so M could have a special visit.  Bio Mom even thought of Foster Dad and I and gave us homemade cookies. Don't worry, we weren't poisoned. I've watched enough Lifetime movies to know I need to let Bio Mom eat her cookie first. There were games, costumes, decorations and even some of M's favorite ghetto, hip hop music (we are working on that).

I don't condune the choices Bio Mom has made in the past that has resulted in M being placed with us. But I am fully confident Bio Mom has made huge positive changes and is growing healthier everyday.

I'm beyond grateful we have a growing relationship with her and am thankful we are family through love.  Plus, I'd hate to be on her bad side...

Comments (8)

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Wonderful!
I love this. You are doing something amazing for this family and I'm praying that Bio Mom continues on the right path so that both she and M may have healing and redemption from their past.
awesome! love the love you are showing to M's mom! i pray we are able to be as open and loving as y'all! thanks for the post :)
I just read this post and feel like it is my life, though my little ladybug is a bit older, she is 8 and does visit Mom, I have seen Mom change and hope that those positive changes can mean a positive life for ladybugl. thanks for sharing
The one thing we really never expected in getting involved in Foster Care is how it ripples out to include ministry to others. We never expected what we do to impact so many people and in so many ways. Sure, we intend and try to get others involved in foster care, but it often goes beyond that all through the single act of taking in a foster child. The most surprising one has been with the biological families of the kids. While we haven't had contact with all (16) foster children's families, we've been blessed to be involved with a few after they've gone home. We've seen one family come into a new relationship with God as a result of their child being in our care. We never expected or intended for that to happen. We just do what we're called to do (take care of the children) but more often than not, God in his providence has a greater story in mind than we ever expect.

So as much as you're taking care of M, you're taking care of her family as well, and often in ways you'd never imagine. Keep on keeping on.
love that you are ministering to bio mom as you are ministering to her daughter! DOUBLE MINISTRY! big impact.
a beautiful picture of the ministry of foster care.
I also reached out to the bio parents early on in the process of our now adopted daughter. Our little one came to us at 2 months old and had health problems so being a mother myself I couldn't imagine how the parents were feeling not knowing how their little girl was and who she was with.
This turned into an mutually respected, sometimes exhausting, yet caring relationship especially with bio Mom. I'm thankful that I've gotten a glimpse of the struggles and heartache she has gone through to which I am compassionate; I'm happy to offer encouragement and hope. It can at times be a difficult balance but I was very upfront from the beginning that baby girl and her safety and happiness and care was my first priority.
We are cautious however; as not all bio parents or family members are as accepting. It depends on the dynamics and situation of each child placed in our care. Happy Fostering to all my fellow foster parents...thanks for all you do!

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