Reunification: M is back with her mom

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Reunification: M is back with her mom

-Post by Foster Mom

A lot has happened over the last few months.
It's been hard.
There are a lot of great memories and heartache I may end up sharing, but for now I'll just give you an update.

M moved back in with her mom, which was the goal from day 1.
The court approved it and the next day reunification happened.
Although it's been "looming" over our heads for a few months, it still seemed to happen pretty quick.
We made sure she had closure at preschool, with our neighbors, her therapist and other key players.

As we drove M to her mom's, I could tell she started realizing things were about to be very different.

"My mom doesn't have a car....how will I get places?"

We praised the bus system and talked about her other concerns.
Her concerns seemed to go away as soon as she was in her mom's arms.

Mine didn't.
This was a few weeks ago...

I was scared to call and check in. What if mass chaos happened? What if her mom doesn't let me talk to M ever again? What if...

I picked up the phone and called today.
M sounded older, more mature.
Some highlights:

Her baby brother was crying in the background.

M: Brother, be quiet I'm talking to my foster mom...Sorry, he's sooo loud!

M: So how's your living? What's new?

M: Do you want to talk to Brother now because I don't know what else to talk about.

It was fun to talk and put my mind at ease. She'll be okay.

I'm not sure specifically what I'll be writing about around here...but if you have any questions about reunification or the foster care process as a whole, feel free to leave a comment...I'm not an expert but we survived this journey.

Comments (7)

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K @ Proverbs 30:8 · 731 weeks ago

I've been thinking about you since I knew this was coming up. Praying for you and M and her fam. You've done more for her than you can imagine.

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Marilyn · 731 weeks ago

http://got2bkidding.wordpress.com/2008/10/01/comf...

while we haven't gone down this path... yet... i know we most likely will, we are in that phase of waiting for licensing... paperwork sitting ready to be sent to the state, where it will sit waiting to be approved

i already grieve the loss, so can't imagine how it'll be when there is a child to attach it to... anyway - i googled grief and came across this blog post, which i found helpful - and plan to put on facebook, etc b/c it's great for others to think of as they "comfort" the foster parent

*still praying - would love to see posts on how you grieve, the steps you take, etc... (when you are ready) -

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iloveblogs44 32p · 731 weeks ago

Reunification has been the goal with the girls I have since day one. They have been in care for over fifteen months and today marks ten months since they have lived in my home. I'm almost wishing I didn't read these words because I know it is going to happen to me...for reunification has been "looming" over OUR heads for a few months now too and I'm afraid it will happen pretty quickly and appear out-of-the blue when it does. Their mom doesn't have a car either. Going home will be a huge change for them too, especially the teenager who has not had to be a caregiver for over a year and has had experiences she never would have had if she had been at home during this time. This is my first time through, so I'll definitely be needing your "words of wisdom" when THAT day comes for me...
Thanks.

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Janice · 731 weeks ago

I only had D for four weeks, since he was 2 1/2 weeks old, at 6 1/2 weeks it was suddenly decided that he would go live with his Great Aunt. I cried and screamed for him the next night after took him, I read somewhere that when a foster child goes home it is like the child died, and in a way he did, I think it will be different with M, she has been with me for over 6 months and she is 8 years old. Like you reunification was always the goal and she has visited Mom every weekend. I am sure I will feel the loss of her , and hoping a Foster to Adopt child will come in my house soon after M leaves. I still don't have a date for that yet, school ends in May and we all have decided she should stay till school ends, Her mom does not have a car and she to move into my neighborhood. She told her mom that we don't have blocks where I live we have streets and they are clean and people are nice and care. Feel for these little ones when they do get a taste of something different and then go home again, I am just hoping that I gave her a little perspective of a different life and that some day she will think twice before stepping in the wrong path.

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Jenn · 731 weeks ago

We are trying to prepare for our foster kids going with their birth father who has not been a part of their lives until just a few months ago. He has 20 years of arrests, a few DUIs, etc. He is really working on turning his life around, which is great. However, the CW seems so taken with him that she is rushing to have the 3 year olds placed with him very soon. He's not ever had them in his care except for under a dozen 2 hour visits. We are worried for their future. We don't think the dad is not capable of eventually parenting them, but he has no idea of what he's in for. This whole thing is really getting us down. Thanks for your post!

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Domanarchist 44p · 728 weeks ago

Hi, this is very moving. I would love to talk to you about an article I'm working on about fostering. You can DM on twitter @BDT_CHILDRIGHTS look forward to hearing from you x

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summitseeker 20p · 723 weeks ago

Such a hard thing...reunification, but also some incredible testimonies of success. Bless you and your family for the love you have given!
Fellow Foster Parent of 8 years,
Jen http://richfaithrising.blogspot.com/
....because Life IS a Poem!

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Foster Parent Journey

Tuesday, April 5, 2011